Moving Back with My Parents
May 6th, 2010 by admin
An increasing number of young people are moving back home with their parents, mainly due to financial reasons.
Even before this recession occurred, the percentage of adult children moving back home was on the increase in this country. A New York Times survey indicates that between 2000 and 2008 the number increased by 32% nationwide (New York Times, 3/22/10.) As of 2008, 20% of adult children were back home with their parents, or had never left. These figures are likely to continue to increase, as young people cannot find employment, are saddled with huge student loans they cannot repay, or are going back to school to increase their employment opportunities in the future.
What are some of the implications of this trend?
It is part of the American culture to be independent, to seek one’s fortune and move out of one’s parents’ home to go to college, or to find a job, at times very far away from the parents’ home. This is very different than what happens in a lot of other countries, particularly more traditional ones, where adult children continue to live at home. In Italy, for instance, most adult children, male and female, continue to live at home well into adulthood. There seems to be little social stigma in these familiar arrangements, which are seen as indications of strong family ties and sound cultural traditions rather than failure on the part of adult children to succeed independently.
In this country, however, there often is a sense of discomfort, even shame, in an adult person admitting he or she is still living at home. Some of them complain it is difficult to date, as it is embarrassing to tell they don’t have a place of their own. So their romantic life can be quite affected by these arrangements. It is also difficult to feel like an adult when your parents are asking you at what time you will be home. Some of them, before they had to return home, may have had some time on their own. For them, being back home may feel like they are regressing and being treated as children again. This can have serious implications for their self esteem and self image.
With some adult children, however, living at home with their parents is not a strenuous experience. They are glad they can spend more time with family and don’t have to worry about making ends meet. There is some comfort that comes from being with someone who loves them. But these people seem to be a minority.
One way or the other, there are some boundaries that need to be established for these arrangements to work for everybody involved. Both parents and adult children need to sit down and talk about each other’s needs and discuss how they can be sensitive to them. Parents need to remind themselves their children ARE adults, even if they live with them at the present time. This means they need to give them the space they need, and respect their abilities to make decisions for themselves. Adult children, in turn, need to respect parents’ lives as being different now that when they were little. Parents need space to pursue their own interests and activities, and may not want to be thrown back into the full time parenting. With regular conversations about how to make these arrangements work for everybody, conflicts and strains can be managed, and all people involved can actually enjoy this opportunity to reconnect and get to know each other as ADULTS.
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