Dr. Roher

Here we go again. One more year coming to a close; another that will soon begin. We tend to conceive of things as having a beginning and an end. This gives our lives and endeavors a sense of completeness and encourages us to look ahead.  This time of the year is often a time of reckoning and reflecting on what was and a time to plan for what will be.

New Year’s resolutions are, above all, ways of having some control over our lives and future. So, we look at those areas of our lives left unfinished – where we did not do what we had planned, or where we failed to reach our goals – and commit to address them.

So far, so good, because the setting of New Year’s resolutions is a healthy and useful habit. As we said, it encourages us to look ahead, and plan and organize our resources and priorities. Problems, however, start when we want to do too much and thus set unrealistic goals for ourselves. “I want to lose 50 lb before my High School reunion in four months;’ “I will stop eating junk food;” “I will exercise every day and become fit in the next two months…” and on and on.   

If these are some of the areas where we struggled in the past, chances are dealing with them won’t come easy. So, while it is useful to set goals, it is indispensable to set goals that are realistic and achievable. When they are too lofty, we get discouraged and give up, reinforcing our feelings of failure. In turn, giving up destroys any motivation we might have had and keeps us in a negative place.

What is there to do to change old habits and increase our chances of succeeding in our goals?

There are some useful steps for you to follow:

1. Begin with writing down your goals without being concerned on whether or not they are achievable;
2. Organize them in order of priority;
3. Set a time frame by when you want to achieve them;
4. Now assess every one of them realistically and break each down in smaller goals. For instance, if you want to lose 50 lb by summer, what do you need to do from now on to stay on track? If you were to lose 10 lb a month, or 2.5 lb a week, would this realistic for you? And if your answer is positive, hat do you need to do every day in order to lose 2.5 lb a week, every week between now and the end of May?
5. Adjust you goals to you resources, lowering your ambitions when necessary and keeping in mind that you want to succeed.  A small victory is better than a disappointment.
6. Now that you have pared down your goals to fit your resources, make plans about how to achieve them. Write down the details, like the diet you need to follow, the exercise regimen you need to implement, what you will do when you eat out, or when there is a celebration, or when you are out of town on business. Remember that the more detailed and thought out your plan is, the more successful it will be. So, don’t skimp on this part, as it is the most important.
7. Now that you have a plan, enlist help from family and friends, if you can. Don’ be shy about sharing your plan, as they can provide encouragement and support when you need it.
8. Now you need to determine what the tools necessary to carry your plan out are. Do you need to buy a membership to a gym? Do you need to find a different grocery store that carries the foods in your diet? Do you need to make arrangements with a baby sitter to watch your kids regularly when you go to the gym? Do you need to talk to your boss about possible flexible hours?
9. As you get started on your plan, make sure you monitor your progress. To see what you have accomplished at each point of the process will maintain your motivation and your focus and provide a useful feedback for you. Keep a journal with your goals and your progress.

And now that you are ready to go, look at the upcoming year as an opportunity for you to take more charge of your life by making healthy decisions and taking positive actions. This will decrease the negative thoughts in your head and shift you from “I can’t do it” position to “yes, I can!”

We want to hear from you. Make your New Year comments below….just click on “comments.”

Tags: Dr. Roher, psychotherapy