Dr. Roher

In the previous blog post we discussed how the dysfunctionality of our relationships with our surrogate parents – politicians and government representatives and other people in leadership and power positions – have taken away the feelings of protection, security and safety we used to feel. Now not only we don’t trust them any longer, but we also don’t trust our abilities to take care of things by ourselves. This creates a double whammy that leaves us utterly powerless in a very scary situation. We feel isolated, confused and afraid, with nowhere to turn for relief.

We may deal with these feelings by getting angry – at our president, at one party or the other, at our representatives and at whomever else we believe is not taking care of our needs. But, just like in any dysfunctional family, when we express our fears and hurts through anger at each other, we get neither relief nor help.

So, what’s there for us to do?

First of all, we need to acknowledge our feelings for what they are – fear, for instance, not hostility – and express them in ways that are constructive. We need to get in touch with our fears, our disappointments and our deep hurts, and use them to propel us to make healthy changes.

Let’s not use our current situation as a judgment on who we are. We did not cause this recession. It is not our laziness, our lack of drive, our lack of talents that put us in this situation. We can’t afford to take responsibility for something we are not responsible for, because this will make us feel worse about ourselves and decrease our self confidence in our ability to succeed.

So, the first step to making positive changes is to reach down inside and acknowledge our strengths and assets. What are or were we good at? What did we use to feel confident about? What are or were our biggest successes?  Let’s make plans that will make use of these assets again. They are not gone, in fact, but just inaccessible, covered as they are by layers and layers of doubts and insecurities. We forget they are still there, and can be as useful now as they once were. So, let’s resuscitate them, shake the dust from them and put them to good use again.

Then let’s look at which resources are currently available to us. Can we use any of them? How can that be achieved? What worked best in the past?  Can we make use of the same approaches, or how can we modify them to make them applicable to today’s reality?

Let’s make a commitment to stay focused, maintain hope, and provide self support and encouragement throughout this process. Let’s not isolate, but ally with people who can help and support us.

Let’s stretch our abilities to be creative and resourceful. Let’s work at being resilient. We need to tell ourselves that things will get better, as this is a cycle and cycles never go on indefinitively. Nobody knows for sure what will happen, but if we believe in something we can make it more likely to happen.

All these approaches decrease our sense of powerlessness and helplessness, which, in turn, help reduce fear and increase hope.

If we follow these ways, we can improve our situation, one step at a time, and gradually feel more empowered. This way it will be more difficult to give up.

Let’s remind ourselves daily of the assets available to us. Let’s be grateful for them and let’s use them to support, soothe and encourage us all the way along this difficult journey.

Tags: Dr. Roher, economic recession