Week Nineteen - A Day in The Life -  A Little Rainbow

It was nice to have a quiet week after all the events of the last several days. It felt good to feel close to Paul again, even though nothing has really changed between us. But it feels different, though. It feels like we have reached some kind of accord, though I don’t know what happened to get us closer again.

We certainly appreciate being in our own home, with the air conditioner working again, rather than having to live with Paul’s parents, like we had to do last week.

Paul’s mother was in heaven. She lectured us about proper nutrition, her current pet project, as we were her captive audience. We listened because we were thankful to them for letting us stay at their place. We thought this was the minimum we could do. So, we put up with her organic vegetables, heirloom tomatoes, free range chickens and multigrain bread. I feel sorry for her, because she doesn’t seem to have much else in her life.

Paul’s father was remote, not getting involved much, possibly happy we were there, so he wouldn’t have to listen to his wife all by himself. It seemed as though he snuck out to the back porch at every opportunity, smoking his cigar and drinking wine. He didn’t seem interested in us, even in his own son, for goodness sake. He is a conundrum to me. I could never figure out why Paul’s mother, who divorced him when Paul was eight, after a brief marriage to another man decided to get back with him. They don’t seem to have much in common. They seem to lead parallel lives, without much connection with one another.  

Paul tells me that’s the way his father has been as long as he remembers. When he was a child, Paul used to envy his buddies’ fathers because they were involved and went to all their kids’ games. Paul’s father never went to any of them. He always claimed he wasn’t interested in sports, as though this was a good reason for not making an effort. I think he should have supported his son. After all, it wouldn’t have hurt him too much to spend a couple of hours with Paul. But he was totally absorbed by his job and got involved with the kids only as long as he could choose to do what HE wanted. So, no fishing, no games, no rough play. He was always quite formal. I would say stiff, if you ask me.

Paul was intimidated by his father and always tried to get his attention and his praise. Not that he had much luck at that, though. His father was very stingy with compliments, believing they give children a false sense of mastery and don’t prepare them for the rigors of real life! Can you imagine that? That’s the kind of father Paul grew up with. I feel sorry for him, Paul that is, growing up in that family. Both parents seem somewhat disconnected and lost in their own worlds.

I am glad now we have each other and we are more interested in who we are as individuals. Paul must have an enormous need to be valued and accepted. I will make sure I will let him know how much I love and want to be with him.