Week Three - A Day in the Life - Mostly Sunny with Some High Clouds
I don’t mind paying
bills. Paul and I had agreed I am
better than he is at this because I am more organized and have a better
memory for
wheat is due and when than he does. (Incidentally, I wonder how he did
before
he met me, since he was living alone and he must have paid his bills as
there
was nobody else who did it for him.) Anyway, as I said I
don’t mind doing this,
but I was tired after a long day at work and a long commute in traffic.
Paul
was already home when I got here. His office is not far from our house,
so he
does not have to spend a lot of time in traffic like I do. It was nice
to see
each other.
So, we have a pleasant evening
together and then I
tell him I need to pay the bills. “It’s not quite
the end of the month yet – he
says to me – what’s the hurry? Why don’t
you sit with me and we watch the
Olympic Games together? You can pay the bills this weekend.”
The end of the
month is tomorrow and this is always a busy time for me, both at work
and at
home. So I tell him I would rather get bill paying out of the way now,
as this
weekend there will be a lot of other things that need our attention.
Paul gives
me that look of “You are no fun” and walks out of
the room. I sit there and,
instead of starting on the bills, I go over our conversation. This is
not the
first time that this happens. In fact, it seems to me that every end of
the
month we get to this place of him telling me I should chill and enjoy
life and me
feeling pressured to do so when I have things to do.
I am thinking, should I stop
what I am doing and sit
with him? Should I ask him to come and help me, so we can finish sooner
and then
we may still have some time to watch the Olympics together? I
don’t want to be
the one who always gives in, like my mother used to do with my father.
I
remember when I was growing up, my mother would stop whatever she was
doing, no
matter how important it was, and cater to my father’s needs.
My relationship
with Paul is one between equals. We are both professional people; we
both lived
alone before getting together, we both have our own ideas about how to
do
things and what’s important. So, why do we get ourselves in
these situations? Why
isn’t Paul coming to the office to see how I am doing?
I wonder whether what is
happening now is a single,
fairly insignificant event or a symptom of something larger that we
have not yet
addressed.
Now that I think about it, this
standoff has been
building up all week, with Paul complaining about all the work he has
to do
around the house and me kind of ignoring him, because I don’t
really think he
has that much to do. I think I do much more around the house than he
does on
any given day, so I can’t empathize with his feelings. I
don’t go around
complaining and seeking attention like he does.
Am I creating problems where
there aren’t any, or
should I be concerned that this tension is a symptom of something more
serious?