Week Thirty Nine - A Day in The Life -  Sunny and Unseasonably Warm

This week Paul moved back home. It started last Sunday, when he came over with some of his things and stayed the night again. The next day he told me he was going back to his place after work because he was packing and needed some time to organize his things. He said goodbye to his friend, cleaned the place up and was ready to be home with me again! He came over the next day, with his car full of his stuff, ready to pick up where he left off...

In the meantime I had cleaned the whole house, not that it was dirty, but I wanted it to look perfect for him when he came back. I was excited, happy, grateful that we seemed to be in a much better place with one another and particularly that we could connect again in healthy, loving ways.

When we went to see Marsha, this week, we went together in the same car, as a couple now, not as two individuals who did not know where they were with one another. In her office we both sat on the couch (in the past I would sit on the couch and Paul in the armchair.) We even held hands for part of the session. We felt good about being here with Marsha and so much better with each other.

Marsha asked us what happened since our last appointment with her. Paul talked about being back together. Yes, we had discussed making this move gradually, but we felt ready right now to be back together full time, he said, and so we did it right away. I didn’t want Marsha to feel we had been too impulsive and had not thought things through. So I said we were both aware that this was not the end of our troubles; that we knew there was more work to do, so what had happened in the past wouldn’t happen again, but we missed each other so much that we thought we could continue our healing process while living together. And yes, I reassured her – and myself - we would continue to work hard at maintaining the progress we made up to this point. Marsha nodded with a smile on her face. I like to believe she approved of our decision and felt good for us. Or maybe she felt tenderness for us, so much in love and trying to do the right thing. Or perhaps her smile meant something completely different and what I thought she was thinking were actually my thoughts, not hers…

We discussed some areas that in the past had been quite touchy, like paying the mortgage on our house.  Marsha commented on how for Paul stopping paying the mortgage might have been mainly a financial decision, whereas for me it would have meant giving up on our HOME and I wasn’t ready to let go of it. We discussed it for a while, then Paul said: “I was thinking about a house and Francesca had our home in mind. No wonder we couldn’t agree on what to do.” And then he turned toward me and added, “If it is important to you to keep our home, we will continue to pay the mortgage. After all, when the economy turns around, the house will increase in value again and we will recover our investment.” He squeezed my hand and smiled. I wasn’t sure whether the investment was the house or us. I just wanted to hug him then and there.