Week Nine - A Day in The Life - Indian Summer
I am so happy for him
– and for us, because now I won’t
worry so much about our finances and how we are going to make our
mortgage
payments.
It is interesting to note that
Paul has not said a
word to anybody about losing his job. None of his friends knows he is
no longer
working at the same place. When I asked him about it, he shrugged and
commented, in classic Paul fashion, “It’s none of
their business.” End of
discussion. Well, I shouldn’t be surprised because this is
what he told me for
the three weeks he was unemployed. I guess he really feels whether he
is
working or not shouldn’t concern anybody, including his wife.
But I would like
it to be different. I don’t like to be grouped with his
friends and other
family members. I thought we had a very different relationship, him and
I, than he has with all these people. I had always known Paul is not very
open. He
keeps things inside and tries to resolve them on his own. When he
talks, it is
because he has already reached a conclusion or found a solution, so he
shares
the end result, but not the process of getting it.
I, on the other hand, like to
talk as I try to figure
things out in my mind. Maybe this is a Mars versus Venus difference,
who knows.
Maybe men solve the problems by themselves and then inform others of
the
results they reached. Women, on the other hand, see talking as part of
reaching
a solution. I don’t know much about this men/women crap. Most
of it is
stereotypes I don’t subscribe to.
Anyway, all seems to be getting
back to normal in our
household. Or at least it looks that way on the surface. I am not quite
sure I
have the same confidence in our ability to address issues as a couple
as I had
before, though. Something is different. I am more cautious. Paul does
not seem
to be an open book to me as it was before. At times I watch him and
wonder what
he is thinking. I used to feel I could guess right most of the time,
but not
any longer. He notices me looking at him and even asks me what the
matter is. I
say “nothing’ and change subject, because I
don’t know how to start a
conversation about something Paul has already decided is pointless. And
what
would the conversation be about: the loss of Paul’s job, the
silence of the
past three weeks, my feelings about all the above, his feelings?
I was thinking about talking to
Melissa about all
this. Melissa has been my best friend since high school. We went
through a lot
together and remained good friends. Our friendship cooled off a little
after I
met Paul and started to spend all my free time with him. Melissa never
told me
this, but I know she felt ignored by me. She does not have a boyfriend
right
now, so she still would have likes to spend time together and keep in
each
other’s lives. But I was so totally involved with Paul that I
distanced myself
from her. Besides, Paul was now my best friend and he and I shared
everything.
There was less need for Melissa in my life. I know this is selfish, but
I am
being brutally honest, it is true. I will give her a call and see if
she wants
to get together.